To Doc Is In: Dr. Gorton Talks Self-Care In The Age of Social Distancing
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Clinical psychologist and professor Dr. Deborah Gorton joins us to talk about what biblica self-care looks like, especially in an age of social distancing. She serves as the Gary D. Chapman Chair of Marriage and Family Ministry and Counseling at Moody Theological Seminary and Graduate School and is the Director of Moody’s Clinical Mental Health Counseling Center.
TLA: Self-care is often misunderstood as self-indulgence. How do we practice biblical self-care and care for others, especially when we are socially isolated?
Dr. Gorton: Research indicates that having information can improve tolerance levels and compliance with expectations and enforced practices (i.e. shelter-at-home, social distancing, handwashing). However, we also know that there is a lot of information available and what we do have access to is not always accurate. Further, too much information is not always a good thing. Proverbs reminds us that “An intelligent heart acquires knowledge, and the ear of the wise seeks knowledge” (18:15). However, the author also reminds us that “the Lord gives wisdom; from his mouth come knowledge and understanding” (2:6).
I would encourage people to follow the psychological, emotional, and practical wisdom of Paul. “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me—practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you” (Philippians 4:8-9, ESV).
a. Start with the Word of God. Make a commitment to open your bible before you seek any other information in the morning. Remember, the pattern of switching on your phone and scrolling through social media, news apps, or the internet can become enforced through a dopamine response, similar to an addiction cycle. If you’re intrigued, you can find more information here. This means choosing your Bible. If picking up your phone first thing has been the typical norm, this will be challenging at first.
b. Limit your sources of information. When something becomes a media sensation, people come out of the woodwork as “experts.” We are naturally curious human beings (is it a wonder the first sin was seeking unnecessary knowledge?). However, the desire to satiate our knowledge appetite can lead to diving further down the rabbit hole of information. Pick three sources that provide information and commit to limiting your review of those sources to three times a day for a set amount of time (I recommend 30 minutes or less). Some suggestions:
c. Engage in spiritual disciplines
d. Serve your community. Former First Lady Michelle Obama provided some solid suggestions for staying connected to your community and providing support; thereby enhancing your sense of contribution:
i. Contact your local school and sign up to volunteer with their food distribution program or contact a teacher you know and see how you can help!
ii. Call parents you know and offer to read to their kids, share a lesson or bible story, or even play a game with them over Facetime, Zoom, or Skype.
iii. Offer to pick up groceries, medication, or other essential needs for elderly or immunocompromised neighbors. If you don’t know your neighbors, Nextdooris a great app to get connected.
iv. Call your local hospital or emergency service stations and offer to order a takeout meal for staff from a local restaurant.
v. If you’re able to, buy gift cards from local businesses to provide financial support in a way they can benefit from now and you can benefit from later.
vi. Make donations online to local food banks or other charities caring for those in need at this time.
TLA: How do you suggest seeking counseling in an age of social distancing? Is telehealth therapy really effective?
Dr. Gorton: Telehealth therapy can be a helpful alternative during this time. While it might be a bit different than traditional in-office counseling, you’d be amazed at what technology allows for. Many counselors have made the transition to telemental health to meet the growing need for support during this time. Resources like Psychology Todayor even your local church, who might have a list of vetted counselors they refer to, can be a great starting point for finding a counselor if you don’t already have one. And, if you are uncertain about telehealth, ask the counselor if they’d be willing to do a trial run without charging you. That way you can get a feel for if this is helpful without having to stress over the financials. Also know that many insurance companies have waived previously additional fees for telemental health counseling at this time.
TLA: Based on what you've seen in your career, and what you've seen over the past week, what should we prepare for?
Dr. Gorton: I’ve never really seen anything like this in my career! However, based on other disaster and/or large crisis situations (like 9/11) I would say that we should be prepared for posttraumatic stress reactions. Right now a lot of people are feeling anxious, fearful, and helpless. This is going to continue and even grow as more cities engage in “shelter-at-home” policies and the widespread impact of the virus becomes more clear. Prioritizing mental health and well-being is essential.
TLA: Social distancing is causing everyone to reflect on how we have been living our lives and so many on social media are talking about how we can take advantage of this unique time. You are actually publishing a book soon that seems apropos to that conversation. Can we get a little teaser on what we can expect in your book?
Dr. Gorton: Absolutely! It’s called Embracing Uncomfortable. It’s about the fact that we’re hardwired to seek comfort, but comfort usually doesn't move us in the right direction. Every day we face a thousand choices between what is best and what is easier. And most of the time, we’ll choose what’s easier, which is why we so often feel frustrated, anxious, and disconnected. But when you learn to embrace the uncomfortable as the gateway to better things, everything changes. Embracing Uncomfortable teaches you how to
· Recognize what you need to do to find purpose and joy
· Develop the courage to radically accept your situation as it is
· Have the courage to do what it takes to move forward
You’ll learn practical skills to help you pursue and fulfill your purpose, like “practicing the pause” and “balancing your emotions.” Discover the freedom and joy that will fill your life when you begin to see discomfort as an important step toward reaching your goals.
TLA: What was the impetus for writing Embracing Uncomfortable?
Dr. Gorton: So many of my clients, family, friends, and community (myself included) find themselves living in ways that are inconsistent with what is most important to them and who they want to be. The outcome is discontent, anxiety, depression, loss, broken relationships and so much more because the default decision is what is comfortable (aka familiar). When we identify our core values and greater purpose, we actively choose to step into and embrace the uncomfortable for the greater encounter of long-term joy in living out who God designed us to be.
TLA: When will your book be published?
Dr. Gorton: June 2, 2020 – but you can preorder on Amazon and Barnes and Noble now!